Every Grain of Sand

I had a conversation with my friend Jenni yesterday and while I adore and cherish everything she says, one thing stuck with me.  I don't remember the exact words, but the basic premise was this: 

We're much happier when we don't know every detail of what goes on in our kids' schools.

What?

I know that sounds a lot like I want to be an ostrich, sticking my head in the sand.  But that's not it at all.  Don't get me wrong - I still want to know who my kids' friends are, who they eat lunch with, how they did on the last math test.  But now that I have a middle schooler, I find that I don't want to know as much.  I don't want to know if the fund-raising money isn't going to what we were told it was going for.  I don't want to know what ridiculous policy the school administration is considering implementing.  I don't want to know how the school runs and whether or not the people who run it actually care about kids and their families or just about wielding power over those around them.  I don't want to hear the gossip.

It's enough for me that I get a weekly e-mail telling what assignments my kid failed to turn it - surprisingly, more than you might expect if you know Jacob - and what his grades are.  Of course, I can log into the district website and check their grades at any time.  And I'm happy with that. 

I have exchanged e-mails with a few of his teachers.  And honestly, one of those exchanges ended with me replying with "I still don't understand what's going on, but I'm going to assume you and Jacob do and that you'll both work this out,"  And you know what?  They did.  Without me. 

I loved the teachers my kids had in Michigan.  LOVED THEM, every one.  And I can say that because I knew them.  I spent time in the classrooms, I enjoyed chatting with them during pick up times and lunch parent duty.  I felt I could talk to them about my kids at any time.  But the flip side is that I knew what wasn't working well at the school.   I knew that it was often not about what was fair for the kids, but more about rewarding parents.  That was inordinately stressful for me.

Now, Jacob gets on a bus every morning and goes to school.  I met most of his teachers at 1st semester conferences.  I didn't go to 2nd semester conferences.  (Teachers told the kids that if you're getting a B or above in the class, tell your parents not to come.)  He gets on a bus and comes home.  I sign forms that for some reason he only brings me at 7 AM.  I say "What do you have for homework?" and he tells me and he does it.  Not doing it will result in remediation during TEAL time, instead of watching a movie in the auditorium with his friends. 

It's all part of my kids getting older and being more responsible for themselves. A concept I whole-heartedly support.  Sometimes I feel that the personal involvment I had in their school when they were younger really burned me.  And burned me out.  I don't have the personal relationships with other parents here that I had there.  I sometimes miss that, but I'll tell you something:  it really cuts down on the pressures and expectations to be the most involved parent, the most helpful parent, the best lunch parent, the principal's buddy. 

Those things don't matter to me.  They never should have.  It's easier to love your kid's school if you only concern yourself with what involves you and your kid.   I'm letting the school do their job and it's been a relief. 

All that to say:  Ignorance really is bliss.  Stick your head in the sand.

Ten on Tuesday

10 Things on My DVR

1. Zombieland (of course)
2. The Lovely Bones
3. The Big Bang Theory - the episode where Sheldon gives Amy a tiara - cracks me up!
4. The King's Speech
5. 2012 Austalian Open Tennis - Men's Final
6. Bad Teacher
7. 34 X-Files Episodes
8. 3 Awake Episodes
9. Friends with Benefits
10. Alcatraz

Arizona

We had a great time in Arizona.  My stepmother was getting through a bout of bronchitis, but luckily she was well on the mend by the time we left.  On the first night we were there, my sister Katy decided to bash her face into the dashboard of her friend's car.  She's kinda weird like that.  (Or the driver may have hit a post in a parking lot, that sounds more accurate.)  So we gave her an appropriate amount of sympathy and then took pictures of her banged up face to post on Facebook.  As we do.

Dave won the Hank's Open trophy this year - apparently it was quite a close race.  Sara walked away with the kid's Wii bowling overall championship, but oddly enough, Jacob, Jackson and Madison all also trophied in their respective age groups.  Jackson gave quite a wonderful runner-up speech.  Watch out, Sara, because he's coming back next year!  My dad wrested the farkle - or farkel if you prefer - trophy away from a gracious(ish) Tory.  Perhaps next year, we'll all understand why the farkel trophy featured cards.  Probably not though.  Money changed hands.  As we do.

What else?

We missed Dan and Amanda and Adam and Jim.  We met Harrison.  Everyone had a job.  Except for me, but I still found a way to keep busy.  The kids made $16 in tips, and I don't even know how much they conned out of Uncle Ron.  We learned a new card game, 313 (or something, I'm not sure), that the kids and I are still playing here.  We hiked a mountain, or a hill, depending on your perspective.  No fossils, but we did find some cool rocks.  I drove on Canal Road.  It was hot.  Jacob and Katy built a fire and we had smores.  Everyone wore pink.  As we do.

Then I drove 12 hours home.  There were only 2 times when I considered putting the kids out of the car and driving away.  But I didn't, because that would be wrong.  Though if you're a parent that's taken a long road trip with kids, I know you know how I felt.   (I find that saying to myself over and over again "Children are a gift from God," helps get me through those rough moments.  Now that we're past the age where I can slip them a little Benadryl anyhow.)

So, you know, just the usual 4 days with the family. 

Ten on Tuesday

Is this still a thing I'm doing?  Sure, why not?

Ten (Plus A Couple More) People I Look Forward to Seeing at the Hank Open This Weekend

1. Dad
2. Nancy
3. Katy
4. Dave
5. Christine
6. Jackson
7. Madison
8. Harrison
9. Aunt Mart
10. Uncle Ron
11. Tory
12. Mary

I will greatly miss Dan, Amanda and Adam. 

One More Shot

Checkup day for Sara.  The doctor checked out one of her toes that she's been complaining about.  He thinks she might have broken it at some point and that's why it's still giving her pain.  But as we all know, there's really nothing that can be done for a broken toe, other than to tape it to the adjacent toe and stay off it.  Perhaps not surprisingly, she decided she can live with whatever "pain" she's having instead of having to give up gymnastics for a few weeks.  I'm mostly skeptical of this broken toe story, since it really only seems to bother her at times that would be to her advantage.  Like when Jacob won't scoot over on the couch.  Or when she should be vacuuming. 

We were given the option of having the Gardasil shot, which I suppose I should have known was coming, but totally didn't.  I chose not to have them give her that right now.  The simple reason is that I only know there is a lot of talk about this shot and I don't know enough about it to decide if I want her to have it or not.  I'm not anti-vaccine or anything like that at all.  And most of the time, if a doctor tells me we need to do something, I go along with it.  I watched a lot of  "ER" back in the day, but still don't consider myself a doctor of any kind.  So I suppose I'll be doing some reading about Gardasil.  What are the schools of thought on this?  What would be reasons not to have her have it?  Feel free to leave a comment if you're more informed than I, which you probably are.

And so as not to look like a parent who doesn't know what to do when faced with vaccination decisions, I let them give her the ones she'll need for middle school today as opposed to waiting until next year.  She'll be very unhappy trying to do back handsprings tonight after having a tetanus booster in her arm this afternoon.

Things to Make & Do

One week to the Hank Open.  The kids and I are really looking forward to it again this year.  We're going to miss Uncle Dan, but excited to finally meet cousin Huck!  I'm really taking it right to the wire to see him before he turns one. 

Mitch left for Qatar last weekend.  We've talked to him a couple of times via Skype.  The time difference makes it difficult for us to catch each other.  The fact that the kids and I are always running from one thing to the next doesn't make it any easier.  He should be home the first week of April.

This has been such a strange winter, I hardly know what's coming next.  We had almost no snow all winter and since Mitch left, I think it's snowed every day.  No really accumulation, but last night we lost power for about half an hour during the storm.  I tried to use the "there's no power, and it's 9:00, why don't we all just go to bed?" but of course, no one bought that.  It never hurts to try though. 

My recipe project has kind of been put on hold while Mitch is gone.  I haven't cooked at all since he left, actually, as is usual for me when he's out of town.  At the most, I expect to try a few dessert recipes.  There's always time to make dessert!

Of course, I DO have many boxes of Girl Scout cookies I can eat when that sweet tooth rears its ugly head...