Why Can't We Be Friends?

Here's a question that popped into my head last night:  Can you be friends with someone if you don't like their kids?  Or if your kids don't like their kids?

And don't give me that garbage:  Everyone likes kids. Who doesn't like someone else's kids?  Kids are a gift from God. 

Well, yes they are.  They may all be a gift from God, but sometimes I think God has a very well defined sense of humor.  Sometimes other people's kids make you want to pull your hair out.  And don't tell me you don't feel that way.  If you were a parent at the school my kids attended in Michigan, and you did your lunch duty or chaperoned a field trip, you KNOW there is at least one kid where you would silently beg all the way in "Please let that kid be home sick today. PLEASE."  (And this, dear reader, is why I don't teach.  In case there was any question.)

We all have a friend who is married to someone we don't care much for.  For whatever reason.  Maybe that spouse is mean to our friend, or they have life views that differ from our own, or they look at you in a creepy kind of way that makes you want to run home and jump in a scalding hot shower for 6 or 7 hours.  But you can get around that.

Anyone ever heard to "Girls Night Out"?

Leave the disliked spouse at home and go out with your friend.  Done.  Obviously, every once in a while, you will have to hang out with the spouse, but for the most part, you can avoid it.

Kids, though.  Once you become a parent, your social network tends to constrict to the parents of your kid's friends.  Whether you meet them at school, at church or at various kid activities, these are the people you see most often outside your own family.  (Except co-workers.  And they are an entirely different post.)  These people have the same base of knowledge about teachers, coaches, field trips, camp outs, games, etc.  This is where your kids make friends.  Which is what you wanted, right?

Have you ever sat on a metal bleacher for the 3rd night in a row and struck up a conversation with a mom you've seen there too?  And you start talking and complaining about the same things and laughing at the same silly jokes and think "Well, I like this lady.  She's pretty cool."

And then her kid comes off the field, or out of the gym, or off the stage, and you stop and say "Ooooooh. THAT'S her kid.  Yikes."

For whatever reason.  Maybe her kid is mean to other kids.  Maybe her kid is rude to you.  Maybe her kid only talks about tractors and it drives your kid crazy.  Who knows?  But suddenly, you know, YOU KNOW, there will be no friendship with that lady.  You don't want to go to her house because it means having to force your kid to play with hers.  And if you've ever had to do that, you know it is so not worth the fight.  So you make excuses - baseball, homework, grounded, family time, etc.  She keeps inviting you and your kid to come over and you keep declining.  So eventually, she stops asking.

Which is too bad, because you and she might have become great friends.  Except for her kid.  You can wait until the kids are older and try again.  But by then you've probably lost touch. 

I've made some great friends through my kids.  Seriously.  When your kid has a best friend and they spend all of their time together, you get to know the parents.  And it's great when you all get along, and the kids get along, and the dogs get along, and blah blah blah.  That whole "village and child" idea.  But sometimes, it just wasn't meant to be. 

Which begs the follow-up question: Can you let your kids be friends with someone if you don't like the parents?  Hmmm...